I love the public library here in Ballard which is mostly glass and lets in much needed light as we swim and slog through five days and nights of rain slobbering down from what I call "Darth Vader Skies" which cover Seattle from November to June. I have 20 minutes to share a few thoughts. Which will be random and less than pondered. The keyboard is slippery from other's fingers and feels like someone poured melted butter on the keys. My chair is still warm from an unknown body. A mild sense of revulsion at all things public haunts the idea of shared space and facilities. How amazing that any bugger able to move through the door and sign up for a card has such access!.....for free.....and yet, there is a low level shame looming as I admit in public that I do not have internet access. No one looks around much. Everyone is in the same free boat and looks a little worse for it. Maybe we are all jobless. Speaking of, I have applied at 7,563 businesses (slight exaggeration) of all sorts and feel that something will happen soon. I'm getting closer. I can tell because now, instead of being refused right off, I'm being told. "Just hired a guy yesterday" or "I will call you as soon as I get organized around here"..................Going through the holidays without the ability to buy ANY gifts was a new and deeply disturbing kind of humiliation. I wasn't aware that I cared so much about Christmas, but as the formerly magical day approached I went into a stupor of frustration, guilt and rage at myself for being at the absolute bottom of the economic spectrum. Of course this was a ridiculous episode of self pity or loathing and I got over it pretty quickly....I guess advertising works because I really wanted to spend hundreds on all the people I am blessed to have in my life. Perhaps next year will be different??...I think Christmas is our yearly report card issued by a culture that values material wealth over everything else. In the end it's always good to get together with friends and family (unless the stress of the season brings forth lurking hostilities) .......................and I'm out of time......................